Part III-Some Other Shit I been marinating on...
Alas I have returned victorious from ACL. Ok, victorious is a bit of a stretch, but we'll get into that later.
As promised I been thinking about some other shit- when I started the series I was totally headed in a different direction in reference to the shit I was marinating upon. As a matter of fact, I have no fucking clue what I was originally thinking about other than spirituality and sabotage. And! If we're being totally honest, I'm not thinking about that shit anymore either. Perhaps this the reason why I was so unsuccessful at marriage. My inability to stay focused on some something that's botherin' me and trying to figure it out patiently is for shit. Instead, I just cut bait and move-on. Wow I'm glad I'm writing this down, my therapist just asked me last week why the fuck I was there and I had no real answer. (Ok, Ok, she didn't say fuck, but she implied it- I know an implied fuck when I hear that shit).
I'm gonna skip around my usual list format, cause I just set it up that way in the title because I thought It would flow better.
Can you be to drunk? There was a time when I would have said- "Nah!! you can be drunker than you should be, but you can never be to drunk!" That time has passed, no fo real, that time has passed. Here are some signs you may have in fact have been to drunk: the moment you wake you know you must send at least 15 apology texts(some to people you just met), you have a vague recollection of perhaps, just maybe, almost falling off a roof, YOU HAVE FUCKING NO RECOLLECTION OF A SHOW SOME PEOPLE ARE SAYING WAS ONE OF KANYE'S BEST EVER. Seriously, none. Too drunk, rookie move peeps and one that has me for the first time ever questioning my drunkenness. I'll get back to it- but I may sorta need a little break.....from vodka. Wine and beer are still on the table. A wise sage once said to me: "Wine, Wine is safe". And she was right, just as no good thing has ever happened after midnight, these are words to live by. So! Dear Vodka- welcome to the "no brown liquor rule" club. I will miss you, but this is for the best.
Will my Daughter be a Ho? or maybe Just an Asshole? There is a lot of things that have this thought swirling around my mind right now. Seriously I have observed the following in just the last 2 days- a nine, maaaybe 10 yr old be so fucking rude and disrespectful to HER MOTHER, that was giving her carte blanche to buy whatever she wanted, that I swear to you I almost intervened.
This is the conversation I heard:
"Mom, just walk away mom, just walk away. I'll let you know when I'm ready to check out" (Mom slinks away to, I don't read Harlequin romances at the check out aisle and wait?)
This would have been my response:
"The Hell you will you little shit! The last time I checked I had the fucking job around here or the good sense to marry someone with one. Remind me again what you've accomplished in your nine fucking years? Other than drain my resources and strain my already unhappy and sexually unfulfilling relationship. I'll tell you when were checking out- now. And what you're getting-nothing Take your ass to the car before I beat it all they way there."
Clearly this falls under the asshole umbrella. But fo real I see this non-sense all the time. Fuck that- I run this homey. Behave yourself and I'll let you live to be a grownup and run your own shit.
And what about a ho? Fo real yo- apparently now that my child is over 4 ft tall she needs a mini-skirt in leopard print with a matching bra and off the shoulder crop top t-shirt. Did I just fucking fall asleep and wake in Toddlers and Tiara's- The Flashdance Years?
Lemme circle back though and keep it real. I do not own a pair of flats. I do not really own heels shorter about 4 inches. I know exactly what I look like and exactly what I'm doing looking like that. Whatcha think I rap for to push a fuckin Rav4? ? I struggle with the concept of "do as I say not as I do" But here's the storyline that I've been trying to convince myself of, and it gets harder and harder every time I think about my beautiful daughter growing up and just settling for being hot( and she will be- she get from her mama). I think in the modern woman's struggle for equality (and its a struggle 30 yr old white male whining about reverse discrimination, go fuck yourself douche you been suckin' off the teet of entitlement for generations, move over, give someone else a turn, and go learn a fucking skill) we have left out the feminine in feminism. When I first heard this theory it I found it profound. I think it can mean different things depending on the kind of feminine you are, so I will just give to you as a thought to chew on. And so how am I gonna pass on to my daughter that its ok to be beautiful, age appropriately sexy, and the fuckin smartest person in the room? How can she learn that with the trial and error method or the relapses into the trial and error method - and by trial and error method I mean givin it(it being sex, position, or need to fit in) up to soon for the wrong reason or just to feel powerful? Lot's to marinate on. I rarely wish I had a boy, this is not one of those times.
Last, but most certainly not least: Can you be to Crunk? One of the originators of crunk and founding members of Outkast, Big Boi (whom I'm told I had the great pleasure of seeing twice on Friday...yea I got nothing, thanks Vodka) would probably say no. I would say he's is definitely not a 34 yr white woman from the burbs trying to act like shes hard as hell- old as hell? probably going to hell? Yes. Hard as Hell? No. That's my word.
R
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