I picked this blog title in honor of this poem by Erykah Badu, which is Boss as Hell.
I wanna dish a little about friends, because my friend interactions of late seem to be a source of great elation and also great pain for. Great confidence, and great confusion. I've been wondering a lot about the need for friendships in my life. The way I may choose to hang on to a friendship that's time has passed or neglect or abuse a friendship that deserves better or over cultivate a friendship only to serve my own ego. And I want to look at that through my art-words- for the fans I hope I'm making. Fans, friends, and artists must meet. Which one are you? Which one is me?
Let me preface this whole thing by establishing 2 things out the gate that I know for 100% certainty. #1) I am a pain in the ass to be friends with. I know everyone thinks this Gangsta Divorcee shit is some sort of front for me to curse. You would be wrong. This is how I behave and this is the sort of bullshit the peeps in my life put up with all the time. #2- I, like every woman,am crazy and i apply that crazy to everyone. #thankyouverymuch
Friends on FB
One of the newer additions to my FB friends, whom I was vague friends with in HS but haven't really spoken to or of since recently said this about me on the social media ego mecca that is the FB "Great to see how well things are going for you!" To which I say "Thank God we live in a society that still judges success by how hot you are relative to your peers"
You would never know the following based on the FB profile picture I am currently displaying (I'm in a beer girl costume made for a 5'3 woman(I'm 5'9) that I have adorned it with knee high 4 in heel boots, and the elusive wicked/innocent over the shoulder glance) that:
- I am up to those wicked eyes in credit card debt thanks to botox
-I haven't slept without alcohol or sleeping pills or both in about a year
-I cannot be without Zoloft or my therapist for more than a week or I lose my shit-totally
-I'm really not gonna fuck you, I'm somebodies mother for Christ sake
I say all this to to back up my thesis that facebook is for fun. It's like adult imagination time loosely based on reality. Look homies- don't be bringing your fucked up real life to my social media bubble. I'm here to have fun, post cute picture of my kid, and spread my political ideals through essentially non-confrontational means, unless I'm drunk and then its on. Take your sad, negative, non-funny shit somewhere else- like your blog.
Is it Time To let Go?
I think I struggle with this type of friendship the most and here's why. Do you have that friend that just drains you? I mean they bring some great stuff to your life but you guys are just headed in different directions. You love her- but fuck, sometimes you just want to look at her and say- "Shut the fuck up! I fuckin heard you the 1st 20 times!!" Well, if I were being honest- which I like to be, I am that friend for most of my peeps. So when this happens to me- I sometimes let it go longer than it should- I so appreciate anyone that will put up with my shit I simply cannot let go. But sometimes- its time. I had a therapist tell me once that relationships don't end for real with a BANG! They just fizzle out- I've seen it to many times not to know that to be true. Your job is to make space for the fizzle.
Ego Feeders
For me this is one type of friend- boys. Mr. Ex Gangsta Divorcee said some of the truest words I ever heard on many o' an occasion and one of those phrases was "Men and women don't become friends as adults because the possibility of sex is always there" Tru. Dat. I mean I have a whole slew o' male BFF's of late. But there has been sex with all of them- and I sorta hang on them to feed my ego. I'm like the girl they would love if I wasn't such a hot mess and I get to exert influence over their live because they think I'm like a guy and can essentially have sex w/o feeling anything. Soo awesome- win/win- I love to influence others- it makes me feel important and the quasi-platonic occasional booty call hommie is perfect fit for that. Plus, in my defense, I think a man really needs a female outlet that's not trying to wife them that they can talk all their crazy monkey-mind shit they have about women. Yes ladies, men have this too, not nearly to the level that we do- no straight man has that-trust. So feed my ego hommies- and when your not locked up, I fully expect to compensated for my services, so don't be fuckin call or text me after about 9pm on a Wednesday, Thursday or every other weekend if you ain't putting out. That's. My Word.
R
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Venus in Retrograde
So I had this whole triumphant moment where I wasn't gonna talk about men anymore cause I thought- "who really wants to here that same old men suck and are the root of all my problems bullshit anymore" Welllllll as it turns out- I do.
oh and by the way- I was totally gonna drop this line at the end for dramatic effect- but you motherfuckers(aka men that read this blog) have an attention span that is for shit so check it:
If I emailed/fb you a link to this blog, and we've had sex- what ever orgasm you think you gave me- I faked. Don't act surprised homie, I was in a monogamous relationship for 11 yrs. Master piece theater up in this motherfucker.
OK! Now that that's done- lets dig in then shall we?
#1 Hey yo motherfuckers- decide what you want. This is my favorite p heap of non-sense a man will lay on you- it goes like this: 'Women don't know what they want" 'I just want a woman that is honest about how she feels and the direction she is moving her life in" "I don't think less of you if we have sex on the 1st date/ no I really want to see you again if you give it up to soon"(poetic license that shit was implied)
Look I get it, especially for my fellow divorcees, we all like to convince ourselves that the reason(s) our relationships and/or marriages aren't working out the way they're supposed to is because somewhere in the equation someone is playing games or being unauthentic. But here's where you're actually fuckin' up, you still think something is supposed to be. Did I miss the cosmic teaching that were entitled to shit? I didn't think so. This is why every time my daughter subjects me to some Disney- princess- fairytale bullshit, at the end when its all happily ever after, I pinch her really hard on the arm and say "the shit don't pop off like that". Aversion therapy #partofthesolution.
So here you go men- here's your truth(fellow GD's don't get pissed it needs to be said.) Women love to love- we want to serve and care for you because we are women. We were made to nurture. Of all the gifts that feminism gave us, it stole our ability to be feminine and appreciate that what is inherent, like the ablity to essentially rule the wrold due in large part to our vaginia(hello Helen of Troy), in us is a gift. So instead were trying to be all equal and shit which makes us #1 assholes #2 willing to accept a 46 year old motherfucker that still gets high everyday with the bullshit justification that "well we all have our vice". Or something like that.
#2 Ladies! Quit falling for that bullshit. Men continue to inundate you with their non-sense-non-committal- non-sustaining bullshit that they just want honesty. Hooker- You know you are smarter than that. We divorcees- we're the worst. We think that when we divorced and made peace we had this fabulous new lease on life. We were beholden to no one or no thing. We were gonna be honest and loneliness be dammed. But loneliness is fuckin lonely. Surely you remember this from how to catch a husband. Wanna get married- don't be you, be the you he's projecting on you. In the post-apocalyptic looking landscape of divorcee dating, if you want companionship for more than one night, you better suck it up and dust off that Mrs. text book you slept with under your pillow in college. Time to brush up your skill set girl.
In conclusion, how about Mars and Venus come to the following agreement:
Men admit you like a little fakery. It sets you up for your easy out when you're just not feeling it anymore(dude, I don't know she's a totally different person) and allows you to believe for a brief moment that she's never had sex with anyone else(don't lie motherfucker, I know how ya'll be. You cannot bare the idea someone else hit that).
And Ladies, you gotta admit the same. Own the fact that you were born to fake and you're pretty fuckin good at it.
The things that we want(men) and were good at(women) make us happy, so get like Nike homies and just fuckin do it.
My daughter plays dress up compulsively. If you think for one second I ever encouraged or lobbied for that, this must be your 1st time here. Just like my dream that she would be a Lesbian is rapidly disintegrating, so to is my dream that she will not manipulate the fuck out of every poor man w/ the misfortune to wander into her sights. I haven't done that in a long time, cause I was all moral and thought it was wrong, but whatev it ain't trickin if you got it. Three years of honesty has made me tired and aged me, I'm not having that shit. So line up homies, and I'll give you what you think you don't want. As a matter of fact, I am so confident in my game that I'll bet you all the good sex you're not gonna be having once you get married, that one of the next three men I decide to run this shit on will ask me to marry him, and my sutpid ass will probably say yes. That's My Word.
R
oh and by the way- I was totally gonna drop this line at the end for dramatic effect- but you motherfuckers(aka men that read this blog) have an attention span that is for shit so check it:
If I emailed/fb you a link to this blog, and we've had sex- what ever orgasm you think you gave me- I faked. Don't act surprised homie, I was in a monogamous relationship for 11 yrs. Master piece theater up in this motherfucker.
OK! Now that that's done- lets dig in then shall we?
#1 Hey yo motherfuckers- decide what you want. This is my favorite p heap of non-sense a man will lay on you- it goes like this: 'Women don't know what they want" 'I just want a woman that is honest about how she feels and the direction she is moving her life in" "I don't think less of you if we have sex on the 1st date/ no I really want to see you again if you give it up to soon"(poetic license that shit was implied)
Look I get it, especially for my fellow divorcees, we all like to convince ourselves that the reason(s) our relationships and/or marriages aren't working out the way they're supposed to is because somewhere in the equation someone is playing games or being unauthentic. But here's where you're actually fuckin' up, you still think something is supposed to be. Did I miss the cosmic teaching that were entitled to shit? I didn't think so. This is why every time my daughter subjects me to some Disney- princess- fairytale bullshit, at the end when its all happily ever after, I pinch her really hard on the arm and say "the shit don't pop off like that". Aversion therapy #partofthesolution.
So here you go men- here's your truth(fellow GD's don't get pissed it needs to be said.) Women love to love- we want to serve and care for you because we are women. We were made to nurture. Of all the gifts that feminism gave us, it stole our ability to be feminine and appreciate that what is inherent, like the ablity to essentially rule the wrold due in large part to our vaginia(hello Helen of Troy), in us is a gift. So instead were trying to be all equal and shit which makes us #1 assholes #2 willing to accept a 46 year old motherfucker that still gets high everyday with the bullshit justification that "well we all have our vice". Or something like that.
#2 Ladies! Quit falling for that bullshit. Men continue to inundate you with their non-sense-non-committal- non-sustaining bullshit that they just want honesty. Hooker- You know you are smarter than that. We divorcees- we're the worst. We think that when we divorced and made peace we had this fabulous new lease on life. We were beholden to no one or no thing. We were gonna be honest and loneliness be dammed. But loneliness is fuckin lonely. Surely you remember this from how to catch a husband. Wanna get married- don't be you, be the you he's projecting on you. In the post-apocalyptic looking landscape of divorcee dating, if you want companionship for more than one night, you better suck it up and dust off that Mrs. text book you slept with under your pillow in college. Time to brush up your skill set girl.
In conclusion, how about Mars and Venus come to the following agreement:
Men admit you like a little fakery. It sets you up for your easy out when you're just not feeling it anymore(dude, I don't know she's a totally different person) and allows you to believe for a brief moment that she's never had sex with anyone else(don't lie motherfucker, I know how ya'll be. You cannot bare the idea someone else hit that).
And Ladies, you gotta admit the same. Own the fact that you were born to fake and you're pretty fuckin good at it.
The things that we want(men) and were good at(women) make us happy, so get like Nike homies and just fuckin do it.
My daughter plays dress up compulsively. If you think for one second I ever encouraged or lobbied for that, this must be your 1st time here. Just like my dream that she would be a Lesbian is rapidly disintegrating, so to is my dream that she will not manipulate the fuck out of every poor man w/ the misfortune to wander into her sights. I haven't done that in a long time, cause I was all moral and thought it was wrong, but whatev it ain't trickin if you got it. Three years of honesty has made me tired and aged me, I'm not having that shit. So line up homies, and I'll give you what you think you don't want. As a matter of fact, I am so confident in my game that I'll bet you all the good sex you're not gonna be having once you get married, that one of the next three men I decide to run this shit on will ask me to marry him, and my sutpid ass will probably say yes. That's My Word.
R
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