I have a basic prayer when it comes to fucking up my child's life and it goes something like the :"Please God, just let her hash out some new problems with her therapist, not this going back generations bordering on being straight institutionalized bullshit I've been sifting through for the last 15 years" Then I make the sign of the cross, cause I'm Catholic and shit. Crazy right? Please reference this entry for a full explanation of that. But fo real- as a parent you cannot not fuck up your kid somehow. That is your right as a parent! And as a divorced parent- Man! Society has hheaped a shit ton of pre-programmed ways that you, by virtue of breathing the air of singlehoodom, have fucked up your kid. Well you know what the response from the moderator is: Fuck that.
You know what I really think about the divorced parents of our generation? I think we've been there and done that. We've already been through a shit ton of divorces. Mostly by our parents and their friends. I assure you we have seen it go wrong in way or the other. And so we gotta get there a different way. So here's what ya # 1 MOTY thinks about being a divorced mom and some new ways you may wanna take a look at it. In true fashion I'll shall bullet point the shit for you slow ass country motherfuckers.
1. Fo real yo, if you have kids that shit is until death till you part.
Look here's the deal(I get that from Dad ,the litigator, any time we're about to drop big knowledge we say that shit) you have a child with that man you claim not to love anymore and you all are still until death do you part. I really believe in this day and age that, no one is getting through life without dealing with a fuckin annoying ass adult. And 9 time out of 10 you married that motherfucker, cause were a nation of masochists. Unless your life is in danger, lets all try to get in the game shall we? Shit don't always work out between adults. That's your fuckiing problem. Not your pre-schoolers. Put your big girl panties on( Sip on the concrete Diana- this and no whiners has shaped me- Love you). Set your bullshit pride aside and be there for your kid. If he's fuckin worthless, your kid will figure that out on their own. You're smart,surely you can teach them to think for themselves. Besides, all your hommies are backing up your point of view. Why the fuck do you need someone who can hardly remember to wipe their ass when they shit to validate your choice? Your job is not to convince anyone else your ex is an asshole(esp his kids). Besides, if he's truly an asshole, in my experience you can just throw your kicks up your desk and watch that shit unfurl, cause it will.
2. Really? Single Mom? Really?
Unless Mr. Ex Gangsta Divorcee drops dead you will never hear me call myself a single mom. I am a single income household. I get ample child support to give my child 99% of the material things she would have should her father and I stayed together. When I think single mom- I think of a woman with little or no support from her ex or in some cases her family. I think widow single mom's have it the worst of all. It may seem all glamorous at 1st cause other women don't hate you and think you want to steal their man that they don't even want. But think about it, they have no one to bounce those big parenting decisions off of or a document that in absences of a mutual agreement tells them how its going down. That's fucked. So divorcee ladies, I urge you to think before you throw yourself a pity party that frankly no one wants to hear about. Cause I only have to be a live and in person parent about 15 days a month. Do I still do a lot of the heavy-lifting-life-path determing -work of child raising? Your Goddam right I do. But that's because I'm a mom and I know best, not because I'm single.
3. Don't Make excuses for compromising on the rules about when he meets your kid(s)
First and foremost ladies, we all do that shit. We got this list and these doctrines about protecting our kids from our single lives. And I think for the most part we stick to them. I honestly don't know one divorced mom that allows her kids to be privy to all her dalliances. But let a motherfucker turn up that gives her an orgasm for the 1st time in 15 yrs, and listens to her talk for hours about crazy shit, and does the fucking dishes and its pretty much a done deal. Ladies, it happens, we will all make this mistake. We will all spend 15 hours a day on tortured divorcee message boards trolling for the one answer to this question that validates our point of view. Wanna hear mine? "Well we were such good friends before we started dating, and he had already been around her in that capacity (like that word? I got it from a therapist) it just seemed strange to go backwards" Good shit right? Feel free to use it. I had every woman I know, married or divorced, nodding their head in agreement with that shit. The truth is I made a mistake. I allowed my daughter to become slightly attached to someone that I loved and when he didn't love me any more, I transferred my pain onto her a little. I tried to make myself believe that he had hurt her as much too. He didn't, but misery loves company. All I'm saying ladies is don't be so hard on yourselves, just do better next time.
Alright peeps! That's enough parenting for tonight- next week get ready cause its all Hip-Hop all the time. ACL in da house and the Budweiser stage is calling a sistas name. And not for their beer, that shit tastes like piss. But their line-up is sick as hell- Nas- Kanye- Big Boi- good shit. Follow me on twitter for sideline reporting @GangstaDivorcee That's My Word.
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