So I had this whole triumphant moment where I wasn't gonna talk about men anymore cause I thought- "who really wants to here that same old men suck and are the root of all my problems bullshit anymore" Welllllll as it turns out- I do.
oh and by the way- I was totally gonna drop this line at the end for dramatic effect- but you motherfuckers(aka men that read this blog) have an attention span that is for shit so check it:
If I emailed/fb you a link to this blog, and we've had sex- what ever orgasm you think you gave me- I faked. Don't act surprised homie, I was in a monogamous relationship for 11 yrs. Master piece theater up in this motherfucker.
OK! Now that that's done- lets dig in then shall we?
#1 Hey yo motherfuckers- decide what you want. This is my favorite p heap of non-sense a man will lay on you- it goes like this: 'Women don't know what they want" 'I just want a woman that is honest about how she feels and the direction she is moving her life in" "I don't think less of you if we have sex on the 1st date/ no I really want to see you again if you give it up to soon"(poetic license that shit was implied)
Look I get it, especially for my fellow divorcees, we all like to convince ourselves that the reason(s) our relationships and/or marriages aren't working out the way they're supposed to is because somewhere in the equation someone is playing games or being unauthentic. But here's where you're actually fuckin' up, you still think something is supposed to be. Did I miss the cosmic teaching that were entitled to shit? I didn't think so. This is why every time my daughter subjects me to some Disney- princess- fairytale bullshit, at the end when its all happily ever after, I pinch her really hard on the arm and say "the shit don't pop off like that". Aversion therapy #partofthesolution.
So here you go men- here's your truth(fellow GD's don't get pissed it needs to be said.) Women love to love- we want to serve and care for you because we are women. We were made to nurture. Of all the gifts that feminism gave us, it stole our ability to be feminine and appreciate that what is inherent, like the ablity to essentially rule the wrold due in large part to our vaginia(hello Helen of Troy), in us is a gift. So instead were trying to be all equal and shit which makes us #1 assholes #2 willing to accept a 46 year old motherfucker that still gets high everyday with the bullshit justification that "well we all have our vice". Or something like that.
#2 Ladies! Quit falling for that bullshit. Men continue to inundate you with their non-sense-non-committal- non-sustaining bullshit that they just want honesty. Hooker- You know you are smarter than that. We divorcees- we're the worst. We think that when we divorced and made peace we had this fabulous new lease on life. We were beholden to no one or no thing. We were gonna be honest and loneliness be dammed. But loneliness is fuckin lonely. Surely you remember this from how to catch a husband. Wanna get married- don't be you, be the you he's projecting on you. In the post-apocalyptic looking landscape of divorcee dating, if you want companionship for more than one night, you better suck it up and dust off that Mrs. text book you slept with under your pillow in college. Time to brush up your skill set girl.
In conclusion, how about Mars and Venus come to the following agreement:
Men admit you like a little fakery. It sets you up for your easy out when you're just not feeling it anymore(dude, I don't know she's a totally different person) and allows you to believe for a brief moment that she's never had sex with anyone else(don't lie motherfucker, I know how ya'll be. You cannot bare the idea someone else hit that).
And Ladies, you gotta admit the same. Own the fact that you were born to fake and you're pretty fuckin good at it.
The things that we want(men) and were good at(women) make us happy, so get like Nike homies and just fuckin do it.
My daughter plays dress up compulsively. If you think for one second I ever encouraged or lobbied for that, this must be your 1st time here. Just like my dream that she would be a Lesbian is rapidly disintegrating, so to is my dream that she will not manipulate the fuck out of every poor man w/ the misfortune to wander into her sights. I haven't done that in a long time, cause I was all moral and thought it was wrong, but whatev it ain't trickin if you got it. Three years of honesty has made me tired and aged me, I'm not having that shit. So line up homies, and I'll give you what you think you don't want. As a matter of fact, I am so confident in my game that I'll bet you all the good sex you're not gonna be having once you get married, that one of the next three men I decide to run this shit on will ask me to marry him, and my sutpid ass will probably say yes. That's My Word.
R
No comments:
Post a Comment