Fans, Friends, and Artists Must Meet

I picked this blog title in honor of this poem by Erykah Badu, which is Boss as Hell. 

I wanna dish a little about friends, because my friend interactions of late seem to be a source of great elation and also great pain for.  Great confidence, and great confusion.  I've been wondering a lot about the need for friendships in my life.  The way I may choose to hang on to a friendship that's time has passed or neglect or abuse a friendship that deserves better or over cultivate a friendship only to serve my own ego.  And I want to look at that through my art-words- for the fans I hope I'm making.  Fans, friends, and artists must meet.  Which one are you?  Which one is me?

Let me preface this whole thing by establishing 2 things out the gate that I know for 100% certainty.  #1) I am a pain in the ass to be friends with.  I know everyone thinks this Gangsta Divorcee shit is some sort of front for me to curse.  You would be wrong.  This is how I behave and this is the sort of bullshit the peeps in my life put up with all the time. #2- I, like every woman,am crazy and i apply that crazy to everyone. #thankyouverymuch

Friends on FB
One of the newer additions to my FB friends, whom I was vague friends with in HS but haven't really spoken to or of since recently said this about me on the social media ego mecca that is the FB "Great to see how well things are going for you!"  To which I say "Thank God we live in a society that still judges success by how hot you are relative to your peers" 

You would never know the following based on the FB profile picture I am currently displaying (I'm in a beer girl costume made for a 5'3 woman(I'm 5'9) that I have adorned it with knee high 4 in heel boots, and the elusive wicked/innocent over the shoulder glance) that:
- I am up to those wicked eyes in credit card debt thanks to botox
-I haven't slept without alcohol or sleeping pills  or both in about a year
-I cannot be without Zoloft or my therapist for more than a week or I lose my shit-totally
-I'm really not gonna fuck you, I'm somebodies mother for Christ sake

I say all this to to back up my thesis that facebook is for fun.  It's like adult imagination time loosely based on reality.  Look homies- don't be bringing your fucked up real life to my social media bubble.  I'm here to have fun, post cute picture of my kid, and spread my political ideals through essentially non-confrontational means, unless I'm drunk and then its on.  Take your sad, negative, non-funny shit somewhere else- like your blog. 

Is it Time To let Go?
I think I struggle with this type of friendship the most and here's why.  Do you have that friend that just drains you?  I mean they bring some great stuff to your life but you guys are just headed in different directions.  You love her- but fuck, sometimes you just want to look at her and say- "Shut the fuck up!  I fuckin heard you the 1st 20 times!!"  Well, if I were being honest- which I like to be, I am that friend for most of my peeps.  So when this happens to me- I sometimes let it go longer than it should- I so appreciate anyone that will put up with my shit I simply cannot let go.  But sometimes- its time.  I had a therapist tell me once that relationships don't end for real with a BANG! They just fizzle out- I've seen it to many times not to know that to be true.    Your job is to make space for the fizzle.

Ego Feeders
For me this is one type of friend- boys.  Mr. Ex Gangsta Divorcee said some of the truest words I ever heard on many o' an occasion and one of those phrases was "Men and women don't become friends as  adults because the possibility of sex is always there" Tru. Dat.  I mean I have a whole slew o' male BFF's of late.  But there has been sex with all of them- and I sorta hang on them to feed my ego. I'm like the girl they would love if I wasn't such a hot mess and I get to exert influence over their live because they think I'm like a guy and can essentially have sex w/o feeling anything.    Soo awesome- win/win- I love to influence others- it makes me feel important and the quasi-platonic occasional booty call hommie is perfect fit for that. Plus, in my defense, I think a man really needs a female outlet that's not trying to wife them that they can talk all their crazy monkey-mind shit they have about women.  Yes ladies, men have this too, not nearly to the level that we do- no straight man has that-trust.  So feed my ego hommies- and when your not locked up, I fully expect to compensated for my services, so don't be fuckin call or text me after about 9pm on a Wednesday, Thursday or every other weekend if you ain't putting out.  That's. My Word.
R